STOP Taking It Personally

“What other people think about me is not my business.”
Michael J. Fox

The only way another person can hurt your feelings is if you take what they do, or don’t do, personally.

Several years ago my wife asked me if what she heard on the Dr. Laura Schlessinger show was true. Apparently Dr. Laura had said that men were the only creatures she knew who could hate each others guts, but go to a bar, have a beer, throw some darts together and have a great time anyway.

My wife asked if I thought that was true. I had to think about it.

As I thought it over, I realized that it did seem to be true. That’s happened to me several times.

Having literally been in fights with guys I couldn’t trust any farther than I could throw a building, I would hang out with them and literally quaff a few beers and throw darts. We had a great time.

It was a strange thought.

My wife pointed out that most women she knew would never do that. They tend to take the other’s behavior too personally.

Taking things personally is a vicious trap. The only way you can ever feel hurt by someone is if you take what they did or didn’t do, personally.

It’s hard for many to believe, but you have a choice about whether to take it personally or not.

Believe me, it’s not just women who take things personally. Men express taking things personally differently than women do.

Men tend to express what I refer to as a “hurt little boy routine.” They do that because at one time when they were young-ins, it worked. A caring mom felt sorry for them and gushed nurture all over them to “make” them feel better.

Women can become territorial and aggressive when they take things personally. Men might become withdrawn and whimper. Some men might become angry.

It’s tempting to blame the other person for hurting you. As if they have the power to hurt anyone. No one has the power to hurt you unless you choose to take what happens personally.

If you’ve been viciously trapped by taking something personally, here are 4 steps to get out of the trap:

First, realize that it’s extremely rare for anyone to try to hurt you on purpose. Someone might leave you out or say something unkind more as an impulsive act than as a way to intentionally hurt anyone.

Second, realize that you can choose to take responsibility for how you interpret what others do or don’t do.

Taking other’s actions personally means that you’ve chosen to believe that it means something negative about you. It also means that you’ve chose to believe that they’re responsible for how you feel.

Both are false. They can only be true if you choose for them to be true.

Third, take full responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and response to what happened.

Even if they did do it on purpose with the intention of hurting you, learn to ground and center yourself and let their negativity pass through you into outer space. Let the negativity go and replace it with a calm, positive response.

Fourth, believe the truth about you. Belief is a choice. Believe that you did the best you could. Believe that you’re responsible for your own emotions and you can choose any emotion that you desire.

Let me know what you think about this post.